No lamps were lit in there. Peering through the red gauze bed curtains in the darkness, Liusu could dimly see her mother lying on the big redwood bed, slowly waving a round white fan. Liusu walked over to the bed, then slipped down to her knees and fell forward against it. "Mother!" she sobbed.
Old Mrs. Bai's hearing was still good, so she hadn't missed anything that had been said in the outer room. She coughed, felt around next to her pillow for a small spittoon, spat into it, and only then began to speak. "Your Fourth Sister-in-law has a sharp tongue, but that doesn't mean you should follow suit. We all have our own problems, you know. Your Fourth Sister-in-law is naturally strong willed-she's always managed the household. But your Fourth Brother is not ambitious, and he threw himself into gambling and visits to prostitutes. It's bad enough that he made himself ill, but then he took money from the household accounts: your Fourth Sister-in-law lost face because of that, and now she has to let Third Sister-in-law manage things. She's boiling over with frustration, and that's a hard way to live. Your Third Sister-in-law doesn't have a lot of energy, and running this household is no easy matter! You should bear all this in mind. Try to make allowances."
When Liusu heard her mother's tone and the way she played things down, she felt that her point had been completely over­looked; she couldn't find any reply to make.
Old Mrs. Bai rolled over and faced the wall. "Lately we've had to hunt everywhere to scrape up any money at all. Time was, we could sell some land and live off the proceeds a few years. But that's no longer possible. I'm old, and when it's time for me to go, I'll go, and I won't be able to look after any of you. Every party ends sometime. Staying on with me is not a feasible long-term plan. Going back is the decent thing to do. Take a child to live with you, get through the next fifteen years or so, and you'll prevail in the end."
As she was speaking, the doorway curtain moved. "Who's there?" Old Mrs. Bai said.
Poking her head through the curtain, Fourth Mistress came in. "Mother," she said, "Mrs. Xu is still downstairs waiting to talk with you about Seventh Sister's marriage."
"I'm just getting up," Old Mrs. Bai said. "Let's have some light."
When the lamp had been lit, Fourth. Mistress helped the old lady to sit up, then waited on her as she got dressed and out of bed.
"Has Mrs. Xu found a suitable match?" the old lady asked. An excellent one, from what she says, though he is a bit older."
Old Mrs. Bai coughed. "This child Baolu is twenty-four now, and she's a knot in my heart. All this worry for her sake, and yet people say I'm neglecting her because she's not my own daughter!"
Fourth Mistress helped the old lady toward the outer room. "Take out my new tea leaves from over there and brew a bowl for Mrs. Xu," said the old lady. "The Dragon Well tea that Great Aunt brought back last year is in the green tin can­ister, the Green Spring is in the tall canister. Be sure to get it right."
Fourth Mistress nodded, then called out: "We're coming! Turn up the lamps!" Footsteps pounded as a small throng of sturdy young servants hurried over to help an older maid carry the old lady down the stairs.
Fourth Mistress was alone in the outer room, rifling through cabinets and trunks in search of the old lady's private stock of tea leaves. Suddenly she cried out, "Seventh Sister! What hole did you climb out of? Scared me half to death! Where did you disappear to just now?"
"I was sitting in the cool air out on the balcony," Baolu murmured.
"Bashful, eh?" Fourth Mistress snickered. "I say, Seventh Sister, when you go to live with your in-laws, try to be a little careful. Don't feel you can make trouble whenever you like. Is divorce an easy thing? Can you just leave when you like, let everything fall apart? If it really was that easy, why haven't I divorced your Fourth Brother, since he's never amounted to much! I too have my own family, it's not as if I don't have a place to run to. But in times like these I have to think of their needs too. I've got a conscience, and I have to think of them—can't weigh them down and drive them into poverty. I still have some sense of shame!"
Bai Liusu was kneeling forlornly by her mother's bed. When she heard these words, she crushed the embroidered slipper against her chest. The needle that was stuck in the slipper pierced her hand, but she didn't feel any pain. "I can't live in this house any longer," she whispered. "I just can't!" Her voice was faint and floating, like a trailing tendril of dust. She felt as if she were dreaming, tendrils streaming from her face and head. Falling forward in a daze, she thought she was clasping her mother's knees, and she started sobbing aloud. "Mother, Mother, please help me!" Her mother's face remained blank as she smiled on without saying a word. Wrapping her arms around her mother's legs, Liusu shook her violently and cried, "Mother! Mother!"
In her daze, it was many years before: she was about ten years old, coming out of a theater, and in the middle of a tor­rential downpour she was separated from her family. She stood alone on the sidewalk staring at people, the people staring back at her, and beyond the dripping bus windows, on the other side of those blank glass shields, were strangers, an endless number of them, all locked inside their own little worlds, against which she could slam her head till it split and still she'd never man­age to break through. It seemed that she was trapped in a nightmare.
Suddenly she heard the sound of footsteps behind her, and guessed that her mother had returned. With a fierce effort she steadied herself, not saying anything. The mother she was pray­ing to and the mother she really had were two different people.
Someone walked over to the bed and sat down, but when she spoke, it was in Mrs. Xu's voice. Mrs. Xu chided her, "Sixth Young Lady, don't be upset. Get up, get up, the weather is so hot ..."
Bracing herself against the bed, Liusu struggled to her feet. "Auntie," she said, "I can't stay here in this house any longer. I've known for ages how much they resent me, even if they bite their tongues. But now that they've beat the drums, banged the gongs, and said it straight out, I've lost too much face to go on living here!"
Mrs. Xu made Liusu sit down with her on the edge of the bed. "You're too good, no wonder people bully you," she said tenderly. "Your older brothers played the market with your money until they'd spent it all! Even if they supported you for the rest of your life, it would only be right."
Liusu rarely heard such a decent remark. Without pausing to weigh its sincerity, she let her heart well up and her tears rain down. "Why was I such a fool? All because of that fuss over money, little bits of money, now I have no way out of here!"
Mrs. Xu said, "Someone so young can always find a way to make a life."
"If there were a way, I'd be long gone! I haven't studied much, and I can't do manual labor, so what kind of job can I do?"
"Looking for a job won't get you anywhere. But looking for a somebody, that's the way to go."
"No, I don't think so. My life is over already."
"That kind of talk is for the rich, for people who don't have to worry about food and clothing. People who don't have money can't just give up, even if they want to. Shave your head, become a nun, and when you beg for alms you'll still have to deal with people-you can't just leave the human race!"
Liusu bowed her head.
Mrs. Xu said, "If you'd come to me about this a few years ago it would have been better."
"Yes, that's right," said Liusu. "I'm already twenty-eight."
"For a person with your qualities, twenty-eight doesn't mat­ter. I'll keep you in mind. But I really should scold you—you've been divorced for seven or eight years now. If only you'd made up your mind earlier, you could have set yourself free and saved yourself a lot of grief!"
"Auntie, of course you know the situation. Would a family llke mine ever let us go out and meet people? And I can't de­pend on them to find me a match. First of all, they don't ap­prove, and even if they did, I have two younger sisters who are still unmarried, and then there are Third and Fourth Brothers' daughters, all growing up fast. They can't even manage for the younger ones. Why would they do anything for me?"
"Speaking of your sister," Mrs. Xu said, "I'm still waiting for their reply."
"Do things look good for Seventh Sister?" asked Liusu.
"I think we're getting close," said Mrs. Xu. "I wanted to let the ladies talk it over among themselves, so I said I'd come up here to look in on you. I'd better be getting back now. Would you go down with me?"
Liusu had to help Mrs. Xu down the stairs. The stairs were old and Mrs. Xu was large: they creaked and squeaked down the stairs together. They entered the drawing room, and Liusu wanted to light the lamps, but Mrs. Xu said, "Don't bother, we can see well enough. The others are in the east wing. You come with me, and we'll all have a nice chat, and that way everything will be smoothed over. Otherwise, tomorrow when it's time to eat, and you can't avoid seeing them, it will be awkward and unpleasant."
Liusu couldn't bear hearing that phrase "time to eat." Her heart ached and her throat went dry. Forcing a smile, she de­murred. "Thank you very much, Auntie, but I'm not feeling very well right now-1 really can't see anyone. I'm afraid I'd be so nervous that I'd say something disastrous, and that would be a terrible way to repay all your kindness."
Seeing that Liusu refused to budge, Mrs. Xu decided to leave things where they stood. She went in by herself.